Well, I've got to commend myself for calling this one. After mentioning here that I tend to fuck things up late in the evening, what do you think I did?
That's right, I went and FUCKED EVERYTHING UP. Wonderful.
And because I'm no longer capable of keeping my binges confined to a short time period and then purging, I spent all of Monday AND Tuesday periodically stuffing my face. Way to go. Eventually I realized it made more sense to just stop eating rather than continuing to try to eat enough that I can get off my ass and purge. So I got up on Wednesday and recommitted, as it were, to doing things right.
It's pathetic and stupid that I let this desire to binge completely take over my life. I need to stop letting myself be tricked into thinking that's what I want, because IT SURE AS HELL IS NOT. I don't want to be this weakling that can't control herself - I'm stronger than that.
All I have to do is get it through my head that eating piles of fatty, disgusting junk food is in fact not what I truly want to do - it's just the chemicals in my body trying to take control. I will get what I want by refusing to listen to anything or anyone else.
Mind over matter, my friends.
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