I can't look too far into the future - that way lies madness.
After all, I have nothing going for me now; any attempt to imagine my life in five years has me coming up empty. In order for my life to have any meaning, in order for my to be happy, I have to radically alter the direction I'm headed. I have to succeed in this attempt or I will spend the rest of my days miserable, wishing I had made different choices, wishing I was thin.
I've been trapped in this shell for far too long now. I must take back control and shape my life into what I want it to be. I can't survive on the dying fumes of nostalgia forever. One day I will wake up and realize it's too late - I've spent all the best years of my life failing time and again, and now I have nothing to show for my life and no time to make things right.
Yesterday went well, so that's one day under my belt. Today is all I need to focus on. Looking ahead at how far I still have to go only leads to discouragement and failure. All that matters today is today.
There are many ways to pass the time successfully, without resorting to bingeing:
- lift weights
- go running
- shower, shave, and moisturize
- read books
- surf the internet
- walk or ride my bike
- clean my room or the entire house
- paint my nails
- calculate weight loss goal dates
- calculate number of calories to consume at goal weight
- plan future meals
- watch tv and movies
- sketch future clothing purchases
- window shop
- read magazines at Barnes & Noble
- go to the library
- go to a movie
- try out new make-up looks and photograph them
- plan 3-day trips
- go on 3-day trips
- look at thinspo!
These ideas are just off the top of my head. Any time I feel I have nothing to do I can revisit this list and choose something to keep myself busy. Many of them have the added benefit of making my life better and me prettier.
The only thing preventing me from being everything I want to be is myself, and I know how to deal with her.