Sunday, August 22, 2010

The dirt unswept


Not a bad loss. Still in that place where losses can't make me very happy, but I expect that will change when I get under 135. I hope. I decided to wait and do progress photos when I reach the halfway point (about 132) so there's a more noticeable difference from my start photos.

Today's fast has gone well thus far; but I have to leave for work in 15 minutes, and that'll be the real challenge. It's always so easy to buy a bunch of shit food when I get off work and binge while everyone's asleep. But that's disgusting and ineffective and a huge waste of money that I don't have.

If I want to reach my goal by Oct 4 (the day I started this mess almost nine years ago) I have to lose six pounds this week and next, then five pounds each week until the fourth. I can't make any more stupid mistakes.

In light of this, and after reviewing my planned diet, I've decided I really don't need any days that go over 300 cals. That's just unnecessary. Tomorrow I start with 100 cals; should be a breeze.

Alright, now I'm off to work - here's hoping I can hold on to my willpower. :)

Saturday, August 21, 2010

A promise kept

Today's fast has gone well (yeah, the day's not over yet, but I'm feeling good about it). I'm getting ready to make my third cup of tea, speaking of which: my mom and I got a bunch of the most delicious loose teas EVER during our trip (we took a detour into town, cause we're clearly all about roughing it). So anyway, part of my excitement could be cause I've only ever had supermarket boxed teas, but these people had so many freaking awesome flavors (like caramel apple almond!) and I practically had an orgasm just smelling them (hehe, hyperbole alert!).

What I'm especially happy about is that they're super flavorful and don't taste like my typical idea of tea - much as I've tried, I just can't stand regular teas like plain green or chamomile or english breakfast - nor do they taste like slightly flavored water (which fills me with rage - I cannot stand when people put a lemon in my water, as that only provides enough flavor to be completely disgusting). What I'm saying is, these teas practically count as a meal (yet are free of calories). I am absolutely in love and will probably never go back to lame normal teas.

~End product endorsement~ ;)

I also accomplished my workout for the day. Woo! I've decided that since I'll likely be lacking in energy due to low calorie intake I'm only going to commit to running one mile each day, with an option to add a couple wind-sprints in if I'm feeling ambitious. For strength training I started today with 20 push-ups (lame!), 30 sit-ups, and 40 squats with a 45lb weight bar. Each day I'll add one rep to the previous day's total, theoretically building muscle without killing myself. ;) I'll also be throwing in some yoga/stretching after my runs to get some flexibility back.

Tomorrow I'll be getting my hair cut and colored, which will take a few hours and should make it super easy to fast as my parents will be at church in the morning and I'll be working in the evening.

Here's hoping I see a decent loss in the morning! (I've got measurements and progress pics to take)

Can we indemnify ourselves if we don't face what we're against?

I am so very inconsistent. I spent the summer in a big heap of fail, but over the past couple weeks I've been doing better. I finally reached 145 which, while not a terribly impressive accomplishment, is still a place I haven't been since 2009.

This past week I went on a two-night camping trip with my mother and one of her friends, I was able to do surprisingly well. The first day I had 90 calories of soup for dinner, the second I had a 90-cal granola bar for lunch and some salad and gelato for dinner (which I purged). Then on the last day as we packed up and left I didn't eat anything. I honestly did not expect to be able to eat that little without anyone noticing. I was worried at first that my mom would say something to me after we got home, but she hasn't and I think I'm in the clear. I suspect that my family is so used to looking out for evidence of binging that I'll have to be visibly much thinner before they start to wonder. I should be able to put off their concern longer by focusing on how I'm not binging, and any weight loss is just a result of that.

Yesterday wasn't so great, as I ended up binging, but it didn't screw up my weight too much. This time, instead of letting myself spiral down into a week-long binge-purge cycle, I'm stopping it right now and getting back on track.

I'm going on a modified ABC diet during which I'll be fasting every other day and never going above 500 cals. I'll be fasting today and tomorrow to make up for yesterday, and that should put me back on track to lose five pounds each week. Wish me luck!