Saturday, February 27, 2010

A flaw in the plan

And I'm back - after almost a month. Bet you can't guess how well I did, given my disappearance.

(If you guessed "complete and utter failure," congratulations!!! You win the prize! *)

Despite the aforementioned failure, I did still manage to make February a better month than most, life-wise. I went up to Vancouver twice, first to watch Stephen Colbert tape his show, and then to bum about town and attend a couple actual Olympic events with some friends. And even though I went and saw Colbert all by my lonesome, it was by far the most fun of all my Olympic activities. I even made it to the front row on the second day - WOO!!!

So for the good I had fun trips, saw Colbert live, and managed to pick up the official red mittens. Of course the bad is that I'm just as fat as ever. This is something I did a pretty good job of ignoring when not faced with mirrors or photographic evidence, but eventually these things cropped up in bathrooms and on Facebook. And even though this is not new, I'm still continually surprised by my ability to trick myself into thinking I don't look like a chubby mess. Until, of course, I see the pictures.

I've just had a thought: right now I have a picture of myself at my lowest weight in my wallet. It's supposed to keep me from buying food to binge on, but I think we all know how well that's worked out. My new thought is that maybe it would be better to print a photo in which I look fat and disgusting and carry that around. If I can barely stand to look at it perhaps the thought of yet more pictures of its kind will be more effective at staving off binging.

In a new act of pathetically foolish optimism, I have committed myself to a weekend snowboard trip with friends next month - paid for my spot in the cabin and everything. Given my previous inability to EVER lose weight by a deadline this was probably a terrible idea, but I can't give up hope, idiot that I am.

I now have only one month to make myself presentable, and so I am going to attempt, again, an extended fast. With today as day one, I have to make it just 28 days. (Hmm... well I guess I've got a post title for the end of the fast). Being stupidly hopeful, I'm going to pretend that I can somehow lose 28 pounds in that time. A girl can dream, right?

I have at least stopped myself from binging today, despite a nearly overwhelming urge to do so. And maybe it's just half a day, technically, but I gotta hang on to the positive and stop getting so discouraged. So now I'm off to search for tips on how to keep from stuffing my face - wish me luck!

*prize may not actually exist

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