The kind of hurt that burns and burns, like fires we can't contain

Look at me posting twice in one day like a crazy person.

I've gone back and forth so many times in the past, trying to find the best way to get myself to succeed, and I've always failed in one way or another. So now I'm just going to devise a plan and force myself to follow it. No exceptions for anything.

I'm going to follow a modified version of the ABC Diet, which is something I've never tried before. I realize it's just a 50-day diet with arbitrary calorie numbers attached to each one, but maybe having a set number of calories to consume each day will work for me.

I changed some of the calorie targets so that I never go above 300, as that's the upper limit I've set for myself. I don't plan on counting calories from sugar-free gum, and I am of course free to consume less than each day's calorie target, as long as I remember I can't make them up the following day.

Today is day two (I decided to make the first two days fast days), and happily for my love of neatness day 50 falls on the last day of February. I should have no trouble losing half a pound each day without factoring in exercise, which would put my total weight loss by the end of the diet at 25 pounds. I would prefer to lose more than that, of course, so I'm going to try to get in enough exercise to lose three quarters of a pound each day.

That adds up to a 2,625 calorie deficit every day, which is a pretty tall order for someone who burns a max of 1800 calories when sedentary. I don't know if I'll be able to burn 800+ extra calories every day, but I'm going to give it my best shot.

First thing every morning I'm going to get up and run two miles (~200cals). In the afternoon I will lift weights for 30 minutes (~200cals) and go for a bike ride or a long walk (~200cals). Then in the evening, another two-mile run (~200cals). If I'm unable to sustain a running pace (pansy) for two miles straight I can walk for brief periods, but I must increase the distance so that I go the full two miles at a running pace.

There will be no more excuses (I'm tired; don't feel like it; maybe later; have something else to do) for why I can't exercise. I'm just going to man-up and stick to the schedule I've set for myself. If by some odd chance I actually have plans that conflict with my workout schedule, I will get up earlier, go to bed later, do what I have to do, so that I get all my workouts in. That's all there is to it.

Tomorrow is day 3 and I am allowed up to 300 calories. It's a good day to begin my workout regimen. If I stick to my diet and exercise plan I should lose 35 pounds, putting me within five pounds of my goal. That sounds freaking spectacular to me. All I have to do is remind myself of the goal I'm working toward any time I don't feel like sticking to the plan.

In March, I'll finally be able to say yes to those party invitations people keep sending me. :)